What She Thinks When You Order Wine


More and more Americans are drinking wine. In fact, we’re now the No. 1 wine-consuming country in the world! Yup, we sipped by the French and swirled by the Italians – and even left the Chinese staring at our empty decanter.

Like it or not, flannel wearers; skateboarders; and tapered sweatpants wearing hip-hop fans are leading the charge to more consumption. This means more wine is being served at bars, and also means our wine-speak will evolve. The mouth-feel-oakiness-tannin filled speak will not bode well in today’s wine world. Millennials remember the ‘experience’ they had when drinking wine and from the experience emerges a story and this story is what recalls the wine.

While the wine-world is slowly evolving to the millennial consumers’ expectations, there is humor in this evolution. A friend sent us this article in which a bartender at a wine bar tells us her judgments about the people that order various wines.  The full list of definitions can be found here – below are a few of our favorites. Enjoy!

Port: You own a lot of velvet.

Chardonnay: You are a middle-aged woman or a bottom, possibly both.

Merlot: You haven’t seen the Paul Giamatti classic Sideways. (If you haven’t seen it, get it now! $7)

Riesling: You enjoy the crisp taste of apples and alimony payments.